Anatomy of a panic attack: When your ex plays custody hostage negotiator

Sheer panic. That's what I see in the eyes of clients who first sit across from me after their spouse has filed for divorce, changed the locks on the family home, and delivered an ultimatum: "Sign this agreement or you'll never see your children again."

This scenario isn't just emotionally devastating - it's also a tactical maneuver that rarely serves the interests of the parent without legal representation. If you're facing this situation, here's what you need to know before signing anything:

Take a breath: Custody decisions aren't made overnight

In my years of practice, I've never seen a child custody case properly resolved:

• In a single day
• Without both parents having legal representation
• Through intimidation tactics like threatening to withhold access to children

Remember, you're making lifelong decisions about your children's future. If your spouse genuinely cares about what's best for your children, there shouldn't be such an urgency to sign immediately.

Question why they're rushing your signature

When presented with a prepared agreement that your spouse or their attorney insists you sign immediately, ask yourself: Why are they so eager for my signature right now?

The answer is straightforward - when one parent lacks legal representation, they typically don't fully understand the implications of what they're signing. The represented party benefits when you sign away rights you don't realize you have.

Know your rights under Iowa law

Iowa law specifically prioritizes "maximum continuous contact" between children and both parents. This means the legal system wants your children to spend as much time as possible with both parents, provided there are no concerns about their health, safety, or welfare.

Those threats about never seeing your children again - in most cases, they're nothing more than intimidation tactics designed to pressure you into making hasty decisions that may not protect your rights or your children's best interests.

Don't face this critical time alone. Contact a lawyer to ensure your parental rights are protected.