We live in a culture of escalation, drowning in drama, even in our workspace. Reality TV, social media, and other media platforms all scream at your employees that they need to be outraged, loud, and over the top just to be seen. Escalation sells - no one clicks on a picture of a calm person politely explaining a complex issue. Screamers, on the other hand, draw views.

It can be hard to de-escalate unless you have a plan beforehand. A way to automatically respond. Training employees to de-escalate helps make the resolution of issues quicker and more efficient and avoids that paralyzing moment when things only get worse.

Where are you likely to see an escalation and how do you plan for that escalation?

Last year, a social media content creator filmed herself escalating a conflict in an emergency room when she started filming an interaction between a nurse and a pregnant woman. Not someone she knew; not someone she was related to, just someone in a situation that seemed interesting. When asked to stop firming, she wouldn’t. Eventually, a security guard told her would face federal jail time for the HIPAA violation, which was not accurate but makes for interesting social media content. She then began stating she had made the post because she was “unsafe.” 

While the hospital was likely 100% correct in its view that this was intrusive, could impede the provision of care, and was most likely a HIPAA violation, what the staff didn’t do was make the conflict uninteresting.

Potential actions included moving the discussion with the pregnant patient to a different area, separating the situation from the person filming, or even discussing with the pregnant patient whether or not she was uncomfortable with the filming to assess what, if any, rights should be asserted.

Where are your employees likely to encounter escalation and with whom?

Identifying when and with whom your employees are more likely to encounter escalating situations in advance can make some situations a little easier to deal with.

Sometimes the standard rules for de-escalation work really well, sometimes they don’t. Most experts in this area agree that you should: Must agree that you should:

• Respect personal space (i.e. maintain a safe distance and don’t touch).
• Actively listen with your full attention and avoid interrupting.
• Empathize, presenting a willingness to understand without judging.
• Speaking calmly

What could the hospital staff have done to de-escalate the content creator drama?

In the circumstance of the content creator inappropriately filming another patient, de-escalation could have sounded and looked like this:

• Calmly approach, indicate that you understand that you are filming, and you recognize that it is frustrating to have to wait in the emergency room.
• Explain that you assume that the person filming does not want to invade the privacy or create embarrassment for any other patients and that you are requesting that they stop filming.
• At the same time or immediately thereafter, you could be moving the person you are discussing issues with away from the immediate vicinity of the filming.
• If this is a situation where the staff member has not interacted with the filming patient and is a stranger, you may also offer your first name, “Hi. I’m Mary. What’s your name?”

Other De-Escalation Methods and Tips

Some techniques better serve individual circumstances than others. One common method is to use empathy and begin to tell our own story. When someone is upset or concerned, we relate our personal experience that we believe is similar to that person’s concern. Unfortunately, in an escalating situation, that may only be viewed as moving the focus to you rather than on the concern of the person and can further create problems. 

Also, if you observe someone else in a complex situation but they are successfully de-escalating, don’t insert your two cents. Sometimes the addition of an additional person will only restart a conflict or simply make things worse. 

But sometimes, your employees need permission to walk away – the support to simply step away from the circumstance so they don’t have to engage in every conflict. In training, cover potential situations where this might apply and what they should do after they walk away.